Funny Quotes

His entire system of theology was comprised in the Bible, which he never read, and the Methodist Church, which he rarely attended. ~ The Job by Sinclair Lewis Nature has given us two ears, but only one mouth. ~ Henrietta Temple by Benjamin Disraeli I wish I were not quite so lonely—and so poor. And yet I love both my loneliness and my poverty. The former makes me appreciate the companionship of the wind and rain, while the latter preserves my liver and prevents me wasting time in dancing attendance upon women. ~ The Listener by Algernon Blackwood Nature, when planning this sterling fellow, shoved in a lot more lower jaw than was absolutely necessary and made the eyes a bit too keen and piercing for one who was neither an Empire builder nor a traffic policeman. ~ Right Ho, Jeeves by P. G. Wodehouse The discovery of a toy duck in the soap dish, presumably the property of some former juvenile visitor, contributed not a little to this new and happier frame of mind. What with one thing and another, I hadn't played with toy ducks in my bath for years, and I found the novel experience most invigorating. For the benefit of those interested, I may mention that if you shove the thing under the surface with the sponge and then let it go, it shoots out of the water in a manner calculated to divert the most careworn. ~ Right Ho, Jeeves by P. G. Wodehouse A slight throbbing about the temples told me that this discussion had reached saturation point. ~ Right Ho, Jeeves by P. G. Wodehouse You know how it is with some girls. They seem to take the stuffing right out of you. I mean to say, there is something about their personality that paralyses the vocal cords and reduces the contents of the brain to cauliflower. ~ Right Ho, Jeeves by P. G. Wodehouse He was not necessarily a coward, though, perhaps, a man of untried nerve. ~ Secret Worship by Algernon Blackwood Mrs. Bittacy rustled ominously, holding her peace meanwhile. She feared long words she did not understand. Beelzebub lay hid among too many syllables. ~ The Man Whom the Trees Loved by Algernon Blackwood A cause may be inconvenient, but it's magnificent. It's like champagne or high heels, and one must be prepared to suffer for it. ~ The Title by Arnold Bennett