Humorous Quotes

The great commander, who seemed by expression of his visage to be always on the look-out for something in the extremest distance, and to have no ocular knowledge of anything within ten miles, made no reply whatever. ~ Dombey and Son by Charles Dickens "Mine ain't a selfish affection, you know," said Mr. Toots, in the confidence engendered by his having been a witness of the Captain's tenderness. "It's the sort of thing with me, Captain Gills, that if I could be run over - or - or trampled upon - or - or thrown off a very high place -or anything of that sort - for Miss Dombey's sake, it would be the most delightful thing that could happen to me." ~ Dombey and Son by Charles Dickens "Ah, Miss, hope is an excellent thing for such as has the spirits to bear it!" said Mrs Wickam, shaking her head. "My own spirits is not equal to it, but I don't owe it any grudge. I envys them that is so blest!" ~ Dombey and Son by Charles Dickens "If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is." ~ Dombey and Son by Charles Dickens "Mr. Wickham is blessed with such happy manners as may ensure his MAKING friends--whether he may be equally capable of RETAINING them, is less certain." ~ Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen "A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony, in a moment." ~ Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. ~ Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen Indeed, he seemed to approach the grave as a hyperbolic curve approaches a straight line -- less directly as he got nearer, till it was doubtful if he would ever reach it at all. ~ Far From The Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy I have mastered the principles of several religions. They have all shocked me by the violence which I should have to do to my reason to accept the dogmas of any one of them. ~ The Stark Munro Letters by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle "Dr. Munro, sir," said he, "I am a walking museum. You could fit what ISN'T the matter with me on to the back of a ---- visiting card. If there's any complaint you want to make a special study of, just you come to me, sir, and see what I can do for you. It's not every one that can say that he has had cholera three times, and cured himself by living on red pepper and brandy." ~ The Stark Munro Letters by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle